Happiness as Transactional

As with many South Asians I have spoken with, Never Have I Ever has become a landmark TV show for South Asian representation on mainstream television. However, there was one line I kept going back to in the series. In the Ganesh Puja episode, Devi’s mom says something along the lines of:

“Pray that you get into Princeton. Don’t waste your prayers on stupid things like world peace.”

The essence of comedy is truth and that is certainly true in this case. I can’t even count how many times I’ve heard the phrases “Pray that you get an A” or “Pray that you get into college” and so on. However, this line made me rethink what I was praying for.

I think there is a lot to unpack here. Firstly, I find so often that we think about prayer in a results-oriented way. I need to pray so I can achieve x number of  goals or an A+ in all my classes. It makes me think of prayers as a transaction that I need to pray for a certain length of time a number of times to get what I want. Our culture of results and even our system of capitalism has crept into our prayers by focusing them on everything we think that makes us happy.

We pray for these things because we feel like they will make us happy. That academic and professional achievement will ensure our security and happiness in the world. However, as I evaluate these achievements I think it is not achieving them that has made me happy, but the self-confidence and self-esteem that these results have built up over time. I think there is value in praying for these achievements in our lives, but I want to look past that to focus on praying for helping make the world a better place. However, it seems as if there are only prayers reserved for achieving personal goals.

This way of thinking makes our prayers feel finite. That I only have a certain amount of prayer time or ability and need to make the best use of it by wishing for things I want or what I think will make me happy. If I don’t use my prayers properly, then it is seen by others as wasting an opportunity.

I understand the world we live in, but wouldn’t it be nice to pray for world peace and getting into Princeton? Why can’t our prayers, like our imaginations, be endless?

When we imagine prayer or depict prayer in movies, it is a spiritual experience and chance to communicate with God. I think of Sufi saints, monks chanting or whirling dervishes. Prayer can and should be both spiritual and results-oriented. I think prayers can be about getting a 5 on your AP exams or a job offer, but also about connecting with God and wishing for universal things such as an end to war or hunger. I think the goal is finding a balance between finding out what you want for yourself and what you want for the world and praying for that. 

by Kartik Ramkumar